Hit Rewind

2011-11-03T16:04:00.002+08:00

Witnessed a heartbreak hours ago and I can't seem to set that off my mind. I was all choked up with guilt. Memories of us shook me and how insensitive I was towards you and your vulnerable heart. You allowed me in yet I let my pride, ego, shallowness, selfishness and wilfulness had the time of their life there. I thought I loved you well I used to think I loved you more, no, I didn't. I failed to love you the way you loved me. Look what I've done, now you're busy running away from me and how do I put it.. please stop and take a look at me. I won't allow any single one of them to judge you, not even your friends. They don't understand you the way I do, not at all. Memories played in my mind like a film set on replay for the past 3 weeks and I guess it's time to wrap them all up and seal it with a kiss. Remember? Our last goodbye kiss. A bittersweet one indeed.

2011-11-01T16:04:00.002+08:00

Senses are all numbed and I no longer really feel anything. Eventually, I will go on working, studying, meeting new people, experiencing new things and having affairs. Sometimes, I wonder whether this might be permanent. Each passing day, happening or not, things only vaguely interest me. Like those television programmes we watch? Because we are too lazy to do something else? Enduring every dull moment, day in day out. Not so much of heartaches anymore, not so much of neediness. At the same time, not so much of genuine laugh, not so much of happiness. You know those alcoholics? They managed to overcome their addiction by drinking only water or juices? But hey, their lives were more intense, more colourful, more fun when alcohol was their companion? Half full half empty theory again. The only advantage is that I'm dealing life's adversities and upsets more calmly. Until a place, a tune, a scent...

Monotonous, period.

2011-10-31T04:35:00.005+08:00

I'm finally over the phase of blaming myself and all my faults for having driven you away. Welcoming another phase that's coming along giving me nightmares almost every single night. I'm now blaming you for having behaved shamefully towards us for all the shit I've heard about you and all the shit activities you are going to engage yourself in or maybe on going now I don't know. I'm grieving, yes. The person who has jilted me no long seems to glow with boundless beauty and goodness but appears on the contrary as a cruel, shallow, ungrateful being. A bitch. I want to meet you, not as before in order to declare my undying love and true remorse, but in order to unleash the full force of my wrath. I'm prolly not so sober.

2011-10-29T12:44:00.002+08:00

Selfishness is indeed the default setting of all human race. Believe in the good of all mankind? Well, maybe not anymore.

Cheers xx